Section One
Kosh | California Highway Patrol investigates a nuclear accident -
Fission CHiPs
Sibbi | if Oprah comes anywhere NEAR to me yes, I will stuff her legs
up her ass
Sibbi | Scampi: possible but not likely
Scampi | Sibbi: Unlikely but not impossible
Scampi | blah
Sibbi | Scampi: possible impossible but not entirely unlikely
Scampi | Sibbi: Conceivably feaibsle but maybe not completely
inevitable
Optic | I drove a floorscrubber at school yesterday
Optic | I had to.
Optic | it was sitting all alone in a dark hallway with the keys in
the ignition
jcompton | Optic: Tempting, isn't it?
Optic | ADVANCE... um, I forget the model
Optic | it was very high-tech
Gregor | optic: to school?
Optic | it took me 5 minutes to figure out how to make it go
Spumoni | and it's named after him
Gregor | jcompton: well it may be a floor polisher
jcompton | Optic: That's the same company that made Commodores!
Optic | I did about half the hallway, turned it off, and walked away.
;-)
Gregor | heh
barefoot | Here at Complete Bastard Enterprises we hold firmly with the
adage "Ask us no questions, we'll tell you no lies"...
TextChem | deltax: MS is worse. they change their mind more times in a
week than madonna changes lovers.
TextChem | 'Internet is nothing" "our whole emphasis is for the
internet"... "95 is for all your needs" "Use NT for serious
applications." :)
Spumoni | I drank too much ch33p wine
Spumoni | you know the wine is bad when it smells like puke
Spumoni | i've seen poag sightings as far back as '92, but my friend
bob says I'm seeing things. I tell you, they're real! I
even have a damn picture...out of focus but you can see the
bastard running through the forest
Optic | if it wasn't for the invention of the toilet, most of society
wouldn't exist right now, IMHO
Optic | ACK! A freakin' 3MB POAGPACK on Aminet!ˇ!ˇ! ewww! ruuun
for your lives!
oleg | With some nitrocellulose you can make SMOKELESS cigarette
papers!
oleg | Confuse your enemies as they try to light last their last
cigarette!
deltax | fuck, where's my cork
Spu | I hate it when you buy a brand-new amiga lamer, open the box
and take it out of its plastic wrapping. plug the thing in,
it won't even spew or say stupid shit. then you have to
return it
Jkay | WOULD YOU LIKE TO GLUE:
Jkay | a> your dick to your leg
Jkay | b> all of your fingers together
Jkay | c> your eyelids shut
Jkay | d> all of the above
_NAN | I say tomato and you say tomato... er, wait a sec..
«Action» | spamgod flaunts his letterboxed barney videodisk
Gregor | ewww
Gregor | kill the purple one
«Action» | Gregor feeds barney into a branch shredder
deltax | think of the peace and love and unity
deltax | , he said, with a smirk of bullshit on his face
«Action» | Optic returns with Mr. Noodles
Optic | not really soup... not really food... but mmmm good. ;-)
«Action» | _NAN has Noodles! YES!
MrGandalf | Sounds like college food, minus the "mmmm good" part.
BHairball | I want channel operator privileges
«Kick» | BHairball has been kicked off the channel by elecwnch (no).
«Join» | BHairball (~BHairball@www-15-102.gnn.com) has joined the
channel.
BHairball | Dammit!!!!!
elecwnch | hairball you going to ask again? hint: its rude
Brook | Let's see, 'Frotz'... Change the z to an s, switch o and r,
change o to a.
«Action» | Kosh decides international communication is frustrating.
Jkay | Kosh: use hand signals :)
Kosh | Why can't everyone speak a real language ;o)
Kosh | Jkay: right ;o)
Scampi | Kosh: Like Swahili?
Kosh | Scampi: YEAH!
Frotz | brook: feh. let's see, "brook" change the B to a Bugger
Off, and forget the rest... 8)
Brook | Swahili's what tabloids use for their retractions.
Jkay | Optic: BTW, falco hacked the ICMP on his SUN to reply to
PING flooders with 64k packets, instead of 64 BYTE packets ..
sounds like an AMiTCP project to me.
Jkay | OPtic: insta-murder :)
Optic | Jkay: not really, on a modem connect
Jkay | Optic: no, it crashes the dickweed's IP stack
MrGandalf | Jkay: That would be a killer for modem people! :)
Jkay | Every time POAG, or Phalanx tried to P-flood you, their
TCP/IP stack would crash
Optic | Jkay: unless their TCP/IP stack was smart enough to deal
with it
Jkay | Spu: heh ..Jacob sent it over .. it's nice
Jkay | Optic: 64 bytes PING responces are RIGID
Jkay | Optic: 64k ping responces are death
Optic | Jkay: you'd get the internet gods after yer ass in that
case. ;-)
Jkay | Optic: ya .. ping flooders are going to go crying to their
root :)
Jkay | "I tried to frag that fag, but he's too gay to die!" -- POAG
Optic | Jkay: if the 64 byte thing is as rigid as you say, a SINGLE
ping could cause problems.
Jkay | that would go over well :)
Kosh | I'm Robert... and I'm (sniff) and IRC user...
Kosh | I've been ircing for slightly over 3 years, and it's been
hard...
Kosh | I'm really glad for these IRC Anonymous meetings.
xterm | there is no 12 step program for IRC
xterm | there's NO ESCAPE
Locutus | Kosh: Its been hard for 3 years?!
xterm | if you don't come back to IRC, IRC will COME TO YOU
Fredbo | 4.5 years for me
Kosh | Thanks for the support guys ;o)
AK | Ive only been on internet for 2 years :)
Locutus | Kosh: If its been hard for 3 years, support is the last
thing you need ;)
Optic | Can I run Q-OS on my cat yet?
SkyGuy | Optic: interface it via the BUTT connector.
Gregor | "That's no moon. It's roseanne barr"
Gregor | or whatever her name is
Gregor | now
Spumoni | my machine is only 1 bit, but it's a really big bit
xterm | kinda like how your weenus is only 1mm long but about 50mm
wide?
Jkay | fuck me on a pogo stick!
Jkay | damned line quality
SilvrWolf | Hey has RW finished Grapevine CA yet?
Optic | Silvr: he had a "major breakthough" last night
SilvrWolf | Optic: such as??
Optic | Silvr: dunno
Jkay | he typed so much that he BROKE THROUGH his computer desk
Jkay | alt.2600 is 100 pieces of shit contained in a golden box
«Action» | SilvrWolf notices xterm is due for his perm.
«Action» | xterm shaves his head to avoid a perm
Cabezon | elecwnch: it's not the computer, I'm brain-lagged. Takes me
about 10 seconds to respond to anything directed toward me.
Tau | *jtw*?are u sure its me, I'm ?ust sitting here listening
tomusic & drinking a bud
Gregor | smoking a bud?
Optic | eww bud
Tau | proved to be a dumfuk. No one else would drink piss
voluntarily
Optic | yeah, personally I drink beer. ;-)
Locutus | horsepiss
SkyGuy | bill gates is god
SkyGuy | bow down before the one you serve
Gregor | youre going to get what you deserve
Cabezon | Whoops.
Optic | cabezon: probably one of those. ;-) random hangup
Cabezon | Optic: Not at all. I typed "/quit" when I wanted to type
"/part #amigacafe". I just popped in there to get an idea.
Optic | ahh
Cabezon | Guess stupidity is contagious.
«Action» | Optic sprays Cabezon with the "Anti-anti-clue particle spray"
Spumoni | "Optic, you just ran several thousand newbies off Undernet.
What are you going to do now?"
Optic | "Well, I was considering damning all newbies to an eternal
exsitance in Hell, but I haven't completely decided yet."
Spumoni | you mean you're not going to Disneyland? :)
SkyGuy | "Get a spell checker, first."
Optic | "Spelling is for wimps."
Cabezon | %sset Optic -40
Cabezon | I knew that was coming. Bawt just told me to piss off.
*grin*
Cabezon | Vietnam was _your_ clusterfuck of the century, not ours.
Optic | heh
Optic | and the whole Iraq thing
Optic | "OH NO! There's a threat to our endless supply of cheap oil!
Bomb the shit outta 'em!ˇ!"
SkyGuy | thank you for calling beavis.net, our tech support lines are
currently like busy and stuff. dont call back, dumbass.
xterm | is it any coincidence that, in German, 'dick' means 'thick'?
elecwnch | do germans have thick dicks?
xterm | wouldn't know personally
MG | ne1 knows what the HAPPY NEW YEAR 96 virus does !?!?!?!?!?
Kosh | The HAPPY NEW YEAR 96 virus makes you go out and get REALLY
drunk.
Kosh | It's the first virus people have tried to get on their system
Sibbi | I must have it then
Kosh | Sibbi is infected! No one talk to him or you could get it
too!
Sibbi | like you don't want to get it :)
elecwnch | i can understand why there might be a flashlight in the crap
on my desk, but why three of them?
elecwnch | my own mess baffles me
«Action» | Kosh is somewhat of a rootbeer coneseur (or however you spell
it ;o)
Drizzit | Kosh: Join the club. I've gotten to the point where I can't
drink "generic"
Root Beer anymore...
«Action» | Amigaman is a MT. DEW coneseur
xterm | amigaman likes to drink warm piss
Optic | I HATE when people /msg you and say 'Hi! What's up?' when
they just want to ask for bawt status
Optic | *Piranha*?Hello, how's it going ?
Sudog | optic: ahhh... heh.. no one really wants to ask straight
out--it's more of a "I'm not sure what mood he's in.. should
I just ask and risk getting him
pissed off?"
Jkay | Optic: Bawt is being VERY naughty .. he "hasnt talked to
that user before" for a LOT of fucking people on channel
Jkay | Hooray!! AWeb works with the Internet Travel Network!!
Mosaic AND IBrowse PUKE on it
Jkay | he was on the Penthouse page and spurted a wad into the
serial port
«Topic» | New topic by ScottE: When did people get so stupid?
ScottE | MUI piece of shit
Kosh | ScottE: People have been stupid for a while - it's just they
get more press these days.
ScottE | Ah, that must be it.
«Action» | Cabezon impales (I mean hails) a Kosh
«Action» | Kosh entrails, er, hails a Cab.
«Action» | Camelot uh, mails Kosh
«Action» | Cabezon and Kosh throw Camelot out of a 257th-storey window
:)
«Action» | Cabezon hates waiting for 8 mails to upload
Cabezon | I guess I'm a PDE.
Camelot | PDE?
Cabezon | %faq PDE
-Bawt- | PDE -- Stands for "Psychotic Daily E-mailer". A person who
answers E-mail as soon as it arrives, above all else (e.g.
late for work because he/she was answering E-mail.) The most
common yet least discussed Internet disease.
«Action» | Tau is a PDE
Sibbi | interesting
«Action» | Drizzit is a PDE
«Action» | Camelot is a PDE too
Sibbi | we all are
Kosh | I'll email back immediately, unless the email warrents more
info
Sibbi | wonder if you can get anything for it
Cabezon | A close friend of mine invented the term. *grin*
mjp | feh, no mail here
«Action» | Tau is even more psychotic than most, he wrote a mail reader
to make his psychosis easier to deal with
fallous | I just love having chicken pox in the throat. makes you
really enjoy the gagging effect
fallous | not to mention the highly attractive pox on the face that
look like the world's worst acne.
deltax | fallous: smoke a carton or two of camel unfiltered, that'll
remove your throat and fix the problem
fallous | deltax: I may just drink some acid
Hawley | fallous: A shot of everclear'd be better..
Cabezon | re--bloody incoming phone call :)
fallous | lose call-waiting
Kosh | Cab: wipe it off the phone before answering.
xtermII | ScottE's balls are hard? what?
xtermII | I really didn't want to know that
ScottE | xterm is fixated on my testicles.
ScottE | Sort of like penis envy, only more screwed up.
fallous | penis envy with bad aim
«Action» | Kosh's roomates left for the weekend, but they left their
window cracked, and it won't shut now (frozen open, I just
about put a hole in the wall using it as a platform to push
against)
TextChem | Kosh: just piss on it to unfreeze it
Kosh | I tried turning the heat way up, and even a hair drier: the
-30F temps are just too strong.
Kosh | TC: It would freeze immediately.
fallous | use alcohol
Optic | drink a 2-4 and THEN piss on it. ;-)
Kosh | fallous: This is an alcohol-free campus :o(
Optic | WHAT!?!?!?!
Optic | um
HammerD | FEH
fallous | kosh: even rubbing alcohol?
Gregor | kosh: use salt water, alcohol (both hot), and a hair dryer
Optic | "alcohol-free" and "campus" are like matter and anti-matter
Gregor | rubbing alcohol then ;)
Kosh | fallous: Well, I'm sure we could have it on campus, but we
don't have any here.
Kosh | How about listerine? ;o)
Optic | Kosh: lick the window.
Optic | Kosh: and the metal frame.
Gregor | kosh: use boiling salt water and a hair dryer
Kosh | 21 % alcohol ;o)
«Action» | barefoot prefers scotch...
Gregor | moon the people outside
fallous | listerine would work
Optic | use a flamethrower. ;-)
Optic | use a heat-gun
Kosh | Optic: Can you send one 1 hour express? ;o)
TextChem | Kosh: propane torch.. ooo, wait, got any hairspray?
Optic | use an oxy-acytl torch
«Action» | Kosh wishes he had a soldering iron right now...
TextChem | Kosh: don't listen to those diitso - just spray the window
with gas, and toss a match
Optic | Kosh: exactly WHAT electric stuff do you have? ;-)
TextChem | Kosh: gasoline
barefoot | kosh- stuff some towels into the cracks & wait for warmer
weather! ;^]
Gregor | ok, then install some substandard copper wiring
«Action» | TextChem thinks kosh does not have what it takes to be a Boy
Scout. :)
Optic | Kosh: use a curling iron. ;-) just don't get it TOO wet
Josef | buy a pentium and put it near the window
Gregor | heh
Gregor | what was the philosophy behind forth? i forget...
Scampi | Gregor: "BrainFuck", was the main premise, I think.
deltax | Gregor: Pain
Gregor | scampi: i figured that was C's philosophy ;)
Scampi | Gregor: Well, it applies to most programming languages ;)
Scampi | Try J or APL ;)
Gregor | scampi: true. its a matter of degree ;)
oleg | oh yeah, lightwave and real 3d REALLY HAUL ASS on an 040
fallous | oleg: crawl ass? yes, they do. oh, HAUL...my mistake. ;)
fallous | I smell weirdness in da machine. amipop is fucking up
fallous | I'm gonna rebewt and see if this fixes whatever is porked.
(I suspect GRn has claimed another victim)
SkyGuy | 1st step, Hire Olaf "MR. LETS MAKE TERM A HUGE BUGGY FUCKING MEMORY HOG"
Barthel.
SkyGuy | 2nd step, LICENSE MUI.
SkyGuy | 3rd step, SELF DESTRUCT.
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