emi | you know its really late when those phone sex commercials come on
oleg | what are you doing watching commercials for phone sex?
emi | commercials dork... like if you watch giligans island at 3am...
| those stupid commercials come on
Jacob | like george foreman's cooker thing, sakatowa (sp) pillow, ligher
| fluid proof car wax
oleg | commercials dork? :)
emi | jacob don't forget the computer information video tapes
Jacob | yeah
Jacob | psychic friends
Jacob | juice man
emi | oh yeah
Jacob | food dehyrator
emi | hehe
emi | or how about that baldy spray paint?
Jacob | i saw one yesterday for breast enhancers
| emi looks around nervously.. um yeah like who would buy those
Jacob | fake silicon things you put over your breasts
Jacob | well it was half an hour of bouncing breasts
emi | i like the wax hair removal one
emi | "its painless!" yeah right
Jacob | have you seen the hair remover one where they say something
| stupid like "zoo zoo zip" and then rip the hair out with a ball
| of "secret wax"
emi | that stuff hurts like hell
Jacob | then the "natural" hair extensions one
Jacob | what else
Jacob | acne one
Jacob | there's an infomercial channel here
emi | yeah where they get some teenager and say "this thing changed my
| life"
emi | i saw an informercial for browning stuff in the microwave
Jacob | one on now "make money by placing local ads in newspapers!"
Jacob | "a $20 ad made me $65,000!"
Jacob | hmm, all the shopping channels are selling knives
Jacob | a couple of makeup infomercials on
Jacob | i love how some of them are forced to say in fine print "results
| are not typical"
| deltax dips Sskip in a large vat of green putty.
deltax | oops. how embarrasing.
| deltax sacrifices ircII to the typo god.
kidd | nightowl.. you get @ in here?
kidd | geesh.. :)
nightowl | heh
nightowl | I'm like shit kidd...I"m everywhere
kidd | guys.. i have a question about networking.. :)
Camelot | kidd: well, she looks better than you ;9
kidd | damn it..
kidd | maybe if i get a boo job i might get an @ here :/
kidd | anyway.. back to the network problem of mine..
Camelot | the cable isn't plugged in
deltax | new #amiga groupies? :)
Camelot | Standard Answer ®
NorthWay | what can you do with a 4M 486sc25 b&w pc?
spamgod | north: take it to the desert. strap explosives to it and call god
frotz | loyd: i can outslack you in a day. i've gone over a week
| without even showing up for work this semester, with no
| repercussions.
lOYD | frotz: Yeah, sure... but we talked about you. If I pulled
| that off they'd be too afraid of me to talk...
lOYD | :)
frotz | loyd: no, that was last year, i'm talking about last month.
| i'm on my own schedule nowadays.
lOYD | well... you do only work 2 days and your boss is an airhead.
| Maybe his mind slipped :)
frotz | wouldnt surprise me.
frotz | he's like a small terrier on mescaline.
lOYD | only you can't squash him with your boot
frotz | snapper> frotz I've "sold" more stuff by dollar volume than
| anyone you know other than newtek and sunrise
NAN | He must have hired a salesperson then..
MrElcee | everyone loves snappers penis extenders and pocket pussies
deltax | someone, somehow, jammed a bigass pumpkin on the spire of our clock tower
Optic | dx: heh. must be Eng students. :)
deltax | Optic: I'm an eng student, I haven't heard of it yet :)
deltax | The only way I could think of doing it is getting up into the
| clockworks and somehow launching some climbing rope up over the
| top
deltax | climb up, drop rope down, pull up pumpkin, impale pumpkin, rappell down
Optic | dx: you'd need to be either really good or really stupid to try
| something like that. :)
deltax | yeah. that's why it's so baffling
Optic | dx: you could also rent a crane
Optic | dx: or do your physics really well and catapult it up there. :)
deltax | optic: yeah, i thought of the catapult idea too
deltax | it's really fucking high, though
Optic | dx: that would require VERY excellent math and equipment
deltax | difficult to account for wind / coriolis force / etc :)
Optic | dx: pumpkin is also essentially liquid inside
MrElcee | at least human error is a constant... :)
RedWine | Yeah, we constantly err. :)
deltax | oh, launch the pumpkin :) I thought you meant to launch a loop
| of rope over the top.
Optic | yeah. :)
Brook | geez.. whoever did that knew their stuff
Optic | dx: "Hello, Jim's Crane Rental? We need a mobile system that
| will let us get a person x metres high, to do maintenance on a
| clock tower. We'll pick it up at 3:00am, and return it at
| 4:00am."
frotz | yeah whatever.
frotz | crap, i just erased something i need for tomorrow.
frotz | well, that officially answers the question of whether i'm too
| tired to continue working.
xterm | spamdork
xterm | you sucking fuck
spamgod | xspec
spamgod | you jizmonic condensor
deltax | me no speak ingorish
xterm | I'll burn down your apartment building on Friday night
spamgod | xterm: mmm. ok
| NorthWay hold up sign saying "free beta testing done here"
| RedWine holds up a sign saying "working beta coming soon"
| RedWine flips the sign around saying "I hope"
| Ummagumma holds up a sign saying "Free Tibet"
| RedWine holds up a sign saying "Say no to signs"
| lOYD wishes more people would use underarm deodorant... :)
| RedWine declares this action hour.
| Dinjiin holds up a poster saying 'Free Burritos' next to Josef's front door
| RedWine prohits anyone from speaking without using /me
| Ummagumma holds up a sign saying "John 3:16"
| Optic holds up a sign saying "Where is the curses library?
| RedWine has it on his hard drive at home, he thinks.
Optic | I am a C++ programmer, hear me roar. :)
Camelot | optic: just finish bawt v2 and you won't suck so much :9
Optic | Camelot: stick me in a time warp for a month, so I can work on
| bawt without screwing up school. :)
Optic | you burn in hell, you system resource eating pig
Optic | BawtTuringTest(tm)
frotz | cool. new MST3K saturday. "Space Mutiny".
frotz | oh wow, on december 6th, they're doing "Overdrawn at the Memory
| Bank", that'll be a hoot!
frotz | i really do love my television.
deltax | poor fool.
Camelot | too bad it doesn't cook for you
frotz | hang on, i'm visualizing sickly pale yellow light enveloping you.
frotz | ok, cool. i'm back to my state of calm.
Dinjiin | I hear that they're now allowing U.S. beer into Germany. Wonder
| how many weeks until everyone who drinks it gets sick and they
| decide to ban it again. 8)
RedDragon | not too long I'm sure
RedDragon | Why would they WANT U.S. beer?
oleg | US beer has been sold in Germany before I am pretty sure, at
| least one brand brags that they pass the Rheinsgebot (or whatever
| the spelling of the beer purity law is)
Dinjiin | oleg: yeah, there were a few, but now crap like Budwiser is
| getting in. Yuppie Germans are buying it because they think that
| its 'hip' or cool or something stupid like that.
RedDragon | heh.. it's the "Western" way...
Dinjiin | well, here in the states you have 3 kinds of beer drinkers... 1)
| people who buy shit like Bud because all they want to do is get
| drunk 2) people who buy minibrews, hand crafted brews, and ales
| because they like the flavor 3) people who buy crap beer like Bud
| because they can't afford $5/each for 22oz bottles of the good
| stuff
spamgod | i dressed up as one of the funky intel inside mmx guys for
| haloween. it was extra amusing
spamgod | score a gold lame' jump suit from goodwill. it was perfect ;)
SkyGuy | the world would be a bit more amusing if everyone wore a randomly
| colored intel clean room suit.
spamgod | braided my hair so it looked like i had dreadlocks and tied
| lightsticks to the end of the braids
SkyGuy | it would be a bitch to wire the world to play disco music at
| volumes that it could be heard everywhere at a reasonable level.
Dinjiin | the world would be a hell of a lot more amusing if you could
| shoot slow people on the freeway who refuse to stay in the right
| lane.
SkyGuy | they're pushing WinCE as having a real-time kernel.
Jacob | too bad it's not
Jacob | wince in a medical device
Jacob | uh uhuhuh
Jacob | able to react in real time to real time events :)
Dinjiin | heh
SkyGuy | 1) patient heartbeat goes away 2) load mui 3) emulate a real os
| 4) etc..
Dinjiin |
|
Jacob | "This application has performed an illegal
| function. It will be shut down. details>>"
SkyGuy | i wonder how apeshit SEC would get if MS & Intel announced a
| merger.
frotz | that'd be so funny.
frotz | they should send papers about it to the DOJ just to watch them
| have fits.
SkyGuy | heh
SkyGuy | they'll buy the government after that
deltax | yeah, and then, while the years idled by, announced that they put
| a backdoor in all of their os's since win 3.11
lOYD | reno would have hot flashes
deltax | at which point, they'll blackmail the government.
deltax | loyd, reno already has hot flashes. she'd get wet again if intel
| + microsoft merged :)
lOYD | it's alarming to me that you've put this much thought into it. :)
deltax | i haven't, i spew this shit off the cuff :)
deltax | which probably explains why nobody's quite laughing at it.
oleg | it is alarming that you've put so much thought into it
Zarquon | oleg: Why did you give her 4?
oleg | because I felt like it.
Zarquon | just wondered if 4 had changed to some bad thing since I've been
| here last.
oleg | nope...
Dinjiin | Zarq: 4 is better than 5 or 6
Zarquon | 6 is autoZOT isn't it?
oleg | 6 is unknown user
oleg | 8 is autoban
Zarquon | ah
Zarquon | 6 is everyone new then, right?
oleg | yeah
Cabezon | 7 is redundant. :)
Dinjiin | 7 is "I'm a tard wanna be'
Zarquon | and 8 of course is 8-ball.
Zarquon | anything higher than 8?
oleg | nope
frotz | what would 9 be? an automatic site ban?
Zarquon | sure
frotz | stat 10 would be to ban your entire country when you walked in...
Cabezon | or WinNuke :)
lOYD | optic is still working on the /ctcp explode command to issue to
| stat 9 people when they join
frotz | AND doa winnuke.
frotz | that'd be funny.
Zarquon | 15 would involve physical removal of your comptuer.
Zarquon | Oleg and Phallous get to dress up like thugs and take their
| computers.
Dinjiin | 18 would include oral sex with Biggus
lOYD | fallous drops the soap and makes an offer they can't refuse
frotz | Beavis?
Zarquon | frotz: Worse.
frotz | wow.
Dinjiin | Huhuh, you've like reached 'beavis.net'. Our tech support lines
| are currently like, uhhh, busy and stuff. Don't call back,
| dumbass."
caldi | Ya know, I was thinking, they say if go travel far enough you
| come back to where you started. If you can go fast enough, you
| can go back in time. I don't think this can be possible.
| Imagine if your a bird.... you'd simply fly up your own ass.
| monkeyboy contemplates showing up unexpected at his
| love-interests apartment to catch a little snuggle action.
spamgod | monkeyboy: no don't. i'm tired and have lots of work i need to
| get done
frotz | me too.
frotz | so cross that off your list too.
monkeyboy | spam: actually the choice of selections went something like 1)
| go to erin's 2) play zork until 3:00 in the morning 3) violate
| myself with a plunger 4) give spam some 'hot lovin'
frotz | zork!
spamgod | hahaha
monkeyboy | i gotz zork out the eyballs.
frotz | which zork?
monkeyboy | Z1, Z2, Z3, Return to Zork, Beyond Zork, Zork: The Dramatic
| Series
spamgod | monkey: go to erin's. girls are better than irc
frotz | girls are only sometimes better than zork though.
monkeyboy | especially hyper-sexual girls with exotic oval eyes and
| convenient lack of roomate.
frotz | ah, well there's your problem, you should be sending her my way
| and playing zork.
SkyGuy | anime eyes?
monkeyboy | frotz: get your priorities straight you sick fuck. it only
| takes 349583 turns to beat zork as opposed to getting a slice of
| ass. (:
| SkyGuy launches a cow.
monkeyboy | skai: exactly. and dark.
SkyGuy | monkey: mmmm..
frotz | monkeyboy: that's precisely the reason you should send me the
| woman and play zork instead.
monkeyboy | it's four in the morning.. 'hi. i was just out, driving around
| in the rain completely out of my way and decided i'd stop by to
| see if you felt like putting out.'
monkeyboy | er
monkeyboy | one in the morning rather.
frotz | that's a good line, actually.
monkeyboy | frotz: i'll have her fedexed in pieces.
frotz | no, that always causes problems.
frotz | well, usually does.
monkeyboy | this is the nineties. some assembly required.
| emi fucks da monk
monkeyboy | woa
monkeyboy | ok. it's decided then.
frotz | fine fine, everybody fuck monkeyboy, i dont care.
| monkeyboy looks for his car keys
emi | hey he is a good fuck... are you?
frotz | dunno, never fucked myself.
frotz | not about to try.
monkeyboy | certainly he is. anyone who's surgically scrutinized over
| Hustler like frotz is bound to know a thing or two. :D
spamgod | i've been told i am, but never gotten it in writing
Dinjiin | dx: feh, don't you know that its a new American tradition that
| when you turn 18 you're supposed to make a run for the Mexican
| border (or Canadian border at 19 if you live up north) and get
| shit faced drunk legally over there?
deltax | dinjiin: it's an older American tradition to get shit faced
| drunk illegally when you're a freshman in college :-)
oleg | new american tradition? son, I was drinking in tj when i was 14
lOYD | sure, but aren't you a mexican national to begin with? :)
| lOYD ducks
spamgod | dinjiin: i went to college 45 miles from the mexican border. it
| was very common. 'cept people kept getting shot and stabbed
| coming back to the us
deltax | oleg, my best friend just went to baja for the first time, he's
| informed me that we are going to buy a VW bus and spend a summer
| there eating 50 cent fish tortillas :-)
oleg | yeah i am :)
...to be continued...
Return to the WarpedNet #Amiga home page.